I Am Proof That God Loves Queer People
I am proof that God loves queer people. I am proof that God loves the lost and will stop at nothing to pursue their hearts. I am proof that God gives new identities that are perfect, that are fulfilling, and that stand like nothing else will in the face of the trials of life.
Because when everything is taken away from you, who are you? When you are left with nothing, who are you?
That is a question that I’ve had to struggle with for years as I dealt with moving constantly. I grew up as a military kid. My world was constantly changing as I moved, lost many friends, and had to start over from nothing time and time again. I had my own unique set of challenges that left me with little to no time to figure out who I was. Many of my friends who are also military kids can empathize with this sentiment; many of them too can say that they’ve reinvented themselves with each new location they lived at. That’s exhausting and confusing.
Who are you?
I did not have an answer to that question, so I tried answering that question by finding labels that I could identify with. I looked out into the world and what the world defined identity as and I followed that example. I’m a military kid. I’m an artist. I’m a theatre kid. I’m bisexual and I’m bigender. Those labels of me being bisexual and bigender came from me taking a bunch of online personality tests and finding things on the internet I felt I could identify with. Those two labels became the biggest parts of my identity. That was the foundation I decided to build the rest of who I was on.
And boy, did I build on that foundation.
I was probably the most loud and proud queer kid throughout all of middle school and a bit into high school. I was the historian for the GSA club and I was very much a leader in helping others find their identity in the LGBTQ community. I thought that God had made me queer, but the reality is that I had no idea who God was then. My “god” in my life was actually the girlfriend that I had at the time. My world revolved around her, and as a result, my identity was intertwined with her and our relationship: I relied on our relationship to give me a sense of identity and I didn’t know who I was outside of our relationship. My sense of satisfaction in that relationship and my feelings for her blinded me to the fact that I was codependent on her. My joy was dictated by how often I talked with her and how she was doing. It was not at all a healthy relationship.
Well, I lived like this for four-ish years and thought I was the happiest person I could ever be. And then I moved here to the USA.
Once again, everything I knew was taken from me. The community I had, the home I had, and who I was with those people was gone. I still held tightly to the identity that I had as a bisexual, bigender person, and that was mostly because I didn’t know what else to put my identity in.
It was around this time about 5 years ago that I learned about how God wants a personal relationship with me. How being a Christian wasn’t about following rules and just knowing what was right and what was wrong, but being a Christian was all about walking with God and getting to know who He is through having a relationship with Him. That was something that I wanted for myself, so I started seeking God and really getting to know who He is. How He is love and how He loves me and how He guides and protects me and provides for me.
With this new knowledge of who God is, I started asking Him who He made me to be. Who was I? That was the biggest question on my mind as I started high school here in Utah. During my first Youth Camp in 2019 was when He started answering that question. The very first thing He told me? He didn’t make me to be bisexual. He didn’t make me to be bigender.
Being queer isn’t something He made me for.
So who was I?
The important thing here is that I sought God as I was looking to Him for the answers. The decision I made to let go of my queer identity was one I came to on my own. No one had come up to me and told me that my identity was wrong. No one tried to convince me that I should stop being bisexual. Letting go of that identity was a decision in my heart that was between me and God. And there was so much war in my heart over what I wanted to be true and what God’s truth over me was.
And who was I to try and define the truth for myself?
When I finally decided to let go of that identity during youth camp, I had so much peace. I suppose that was to be expected, though. What comes from God comes with peace. Peace is a fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22).
I knew that as a result of me no longer identifying as bisexual, I had to break up with my girlfriend. That was honestly one of the hardest things for me to do. I was honestly so mournful afterwards and I felt so lost. And it’s okay to feel that way. It’s what you do with those feelings that matters. I didn’t just wallow in those feelings. I let myself feel them before taking them to God and seeking Him.
While seeking Him, I learned I had to let go of the old identity and really embrace how God made me. Paul talks a lot about letting go of the “old self” in his letters. Ephesians 4:22-24 says, “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desire; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
I let go of my old self because I learned that God had something better for me. An identity rooted in Him was more whole and solid than anything that I could ever come up with. This is because He’s the God who hasn’t changed and who never will (see Hebrews 13:8 and Malachi 3:6), so an identity rooted in Him and His truth of who He says you are will never change or be shaken or taken. The identity He gives is perfect and empowering. It also is the only identity that’s been able to satisfy the desire in my heart to know who I am. As soon as you try to choose your own identity, you are going against that perfect identity God’s given you. God knows exactly who I am and what I am to be. He is the one who made me, after all (Psalm 139:13-14).
So who am I?
I am a child of God. This means that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and cares for me. This means that everything God, my Father, has is mine. This means that I don’t have be afraid to go to Him for anything because He loves me and He will provide for me. This means that I can have joy in the middle of the storm because He’s watching out for me. This means that I am disciplined by the Father because He loves me. This means that I am not a slave held under the law of the old testament (where you had to do everything perfectly or else you were condemned), but I have the grace of God covering me. This means that I am co-heirs with Christ. As He has life, so I will have life as well.
I am His daughter. This means I am His princess. And not only am I His princess: I am a princess of princesses. God, my father, is the King of Kings. The highest of royalties. That makes me royalty as well since I am His daughter. That means I have so much worth in His eyes since He see me as His princess. That means I have power and authority because He is my Father, the ruler over everything.
I am His bride. This means that I am meant to be one with Christ. This means that He will take care of me. This means that He is the pursuer and leader in our relationship, so I can trust Him and follow Him wherever He goes. This means I have the privilege of having intimacy with God; I can share the deep things of my heart with Him as He shares His heart with me. This means that He chose me to be His and His alone.
I am fully known by God. I am fully loved by God. God delights in me. He is proud of me. The list goes on and on and on.
But when you build your foundation of who you are on whose you are (God’s), you’ll find so much power comes with that solid identity. Insults can’t affect you anymore because you know the truth of who you are. Everything that comes against you that is contrary to God’s truth will crumble in an instant.
Just like my old identity did the first time I heard the words, “being gay is a sin.”
I would not trade who I am now for who I was before. I can say for certain that I have a joy like no other because of my foundation in Him. I have a confidence like no other because of my foundation in Him. All of me, who you see right now, is a direct result of Jesus and His love for me. He refused to give up on me and leave me lost. And He refuses to give up on you too.
So... who are you? Ask God; He is more than ready to overwhelm you with how much He loves you.
